THE REFORMED WITNESS HOUR"Priorities in
Marriage (2)"
Prof. Barrett Gritters(e-mail: Rev. Carl Haak) |
Dear
radio friends,
We saw last week that Prof.
Gritters pointed out clearly from the Word of God that marriage can, along with all
things, have but one ultimate purpose: the
glory of God. In his remarks today he is
going to point out that this is most practical and has tremendous implications for our
marriages. If a Christian couple comes to
understand that the ultimate purpose of their marriage is indeed to glorify God, then, in
the words of Prof. Gritters, they have taken an important first step in living a happy,
Christian life in their marriage. Things, so
to speak, will begin to fall into place. The
ideas of sacrifice and the ideas of the goal and purpose of every day of their marriage
will become very plain to them.
In the second half of his
speech, Prof. Gritters is going to draw out in a very practical manner some of these
implications — exactly what does it mean for us in our daily life and on a practical
level that our marriages are to seek the glory of God?
I cannot help but stress again
the importance of the subject that we are considering today and the importance of the
speech that we are about to hear. Anyone who
has taken a walk through the family section of the local Christian bookstore will readily
see that modern Christians have become tremendously interested in the subject of marriage
and the family. In fact, it is becoming
booming business — books, conferences, seminars, and marriage conferences. But much of this is not a sign of health in the
Christian church but a sign of disease. It is
almost like a terminal cancer patient fervently researching alternate treatments, hoping
against hope that something can be done. More
and more, men and women are desperate for their own happiness in their marriage or in
their relationships and are attempting to find what might be called a
“quick-fix,” or some magical formula, to solve all of their marriage problems.
Prof. Gritters is going to point
out to us that this is hopeless unless God is our priority, that is, that we glorify God
and obey God and serve God in our marriages. The
most important thing, for a Christian husband and a Christian wife, is to know that God is
the Lord. He is central to everything in
their marriage. He has pre-eminence over all
things. Therefore, only when a man and a
woman, a husband and wife, have that as their one priority will all things in their
marriage also fall into place.
So we want to hear the second
half of Prof. Gritters’ message today. Prof.
Barry Gritters is professor in the Protestant Reformed Seminary in Grandville, Michigan. We are hearing the second half of a message that
he delivered in October of 2003 entitled “The Biblical Priorities of a Christian
Marriage.” Let us listen carefully as
Prof. Gritters concludes his remarks.
For God’s glory and not for
my joy and my pleasure. When I live that way
in marriage, and when spouses live that way in marriage, then that kind of conduct and
that kind of attitude is going to go in all directions, radiate in every part of our life. It is going to radiate in this part of our life,
that that is why we want to have children. Not
to satisfy me but to glorify God, because the product of the relationship between
Jesus Christ and His church is children. Not
just one or two, so that when we get old we might have someone to take care of us, but so
that God may be glorified by a fruitful church, by a growing church, by a church of
families if God is so pleased to bless our marriages.
That attitude will reflect in
all kinds of areas. It will reflect in how we
spend our money, what we spend our money for. It
will reflect in what we do on a Friday night. What
we do with our spare time. Where we go on our
vacations. How often we visit the sick, the
nursing homes, the hospitals. We are not here
for us. We are here for Him. Selfless, sacrificial, self-denying giving of a
husband to a wife and a wife to her husband so that God may be glorified — and it
is not for our joy.
One of the nicest illustrations
of that: When a man sins against his wife,
then this needs to happen, “Honey, I’m sorry.” And then this:
“Hon, I forgive you.” Easy
enough? Anyone who is married knows how hard
it is to choke out those words! So important
for a godly marriage, but so difficult. Why
is it so important? Because that is the way
it goes between Christ and us. Why so
difficult? Because I have to die to say I am
sorry, to admit I was wrong, that I sinned, that I blew it.
And my spouse has to die to let me go and say “I forgive you,” instead of
allowing that to be an opportunity to do what she would like to do or he would like to do
back, freely. Not because I deserve it, not
because she deserves it, but freely. Why? So that we may learn something about the
relationship between Jesus Christ and us who forgives us freely. As we repent and as we say we are sorry, He comes
and says, “You don’t deserve it, but, for My sake and for My glory, I forgive
you.”
Learn, see, come to know and
love what it is like to live with Jesus Christ. And
let your marriage conform itself more and more and shape itself more and more so that when
someone looks at you, he says, “I’ve learned something about Jesus Christ and
His church.”
That is what we need to maintain
in this world. That is the kind of witness
that we need to have in our marriage conferences. Anyone,
then, who is not Protestant Reformed here tonight, you may know this: that our love for you is such that you learn this
about us: we are not interested in our joy,
we are not interested in our glory; in obedience to Jesus Christ we want to be, and we
want you to be with us, serving Him and Him only.
We need to be that kind of a
light in the darkness. We live in a dark,
dark world. One of the backgrounds to
President Bush’s declaration of a marriage protection week in 2003 is that he knows
what is going on in the homosexual agenda and the anti-marriage agenda and lobbying. In Washington, D.C. and all throughout our country
we live in a vile, wicked world. The purpose
of the devil behind those movements (the homosexual agenda, the anti-marriage agenda, and
the rest — whether that is the explicit purpose of the people involved or not, we
cannot tell, though usually it is) is to destroy marriage so that that relationship of
Christ and the church is dishonored, and we must be at the forefront in the world making a
loud declaration: “This is why we want
marriages preserved! Not because we want the
happiness of people, but because we are the church of the Lord Jesus Christ. And as the church of the Lord Jesus Christ we must
honor Him in our marriages too, in our earthly relationship of husbands and wives.”
In a world where marriage is for
self and our own enjoyment and pleasure, and because it is for ourselves in this world,
there are quick, easy divorces, so that you can be happy, perhaps, in the next marriage
that you have. That is not what it is all
about. But that is what the world’s
agenda is. The world’s agenda is lust
and sex. And that is why the television, or
most of what is on television, is an enemy to the church of Jesus Christ. It is an enemy of the church of Christ because it
is an enemy of that relationship — the holy union of Jesus Christ and His bride
reflected in the holy union of one man and one woman for life, sacrificing themselves for
each other. There is nothing of that in the
television culture and the culture of our land.
And at the very pinnacle of the
vileness of our country is the sin of homosexuality, where there is nothing but one sin: self and pleasure for myself.
The church needs to be a light
in the midst of that dark, dark world. It
needs to be a light in two ways. One, that we
live in such a way that our neighbors can see (we may never have opportunity to speak to
them, though we ought to), by our marriages, and then by the marriages of our children if
God so blesses us with children, what the relationship is between Jesus Christ and His
church — a holy union for life. Second,
then we speak and witness first from the pulpit, inviting all the neighborhood to hear
what we preach and teach about marriage — God-glorifying marriages. But do not let it stop there. Continue speaking.
Take the pamphlets in the back. I hope
many of them are free. Give them to your
neighbors. Give them to your friends. Tell them this is what we believe about marriage. This is how we want our marriages to be. Not because we want to be happy, but because we
want to honor our Lord Jesus Christ.
Be lights, people of God. Be shining, bright lights in the middle of a dark,
dark world. And so conform your marriages, if
God has given you the opportunity to be married, to reflect that marriage.
And then (here’s the icing
on the cake) in your marriage you will be happy.
Now do not say that I am taking
back at the end everything I gave at the beginning. Now
you will be happy if you do that, there will be joy in your marriage if you live that way. I want to be very, very clear here. Understand, your happiness is not the goal. My happiness is not the priority in my conduct in
my marriage. But happiness is God’s
reward and the by-product of living in the way that we ought to live in marriage. I and my spouse will be happy. And you will be, too.
Be very careful here as to the
order. The order is not, “I’m
going to live that way because in the end I’m going to be happy in my marriage.” To say that would be like saying after you have
read Matthew 5-7, which teaches us to seek first the kingdom of heaven and its
righteousness and all these other things will be added to us, “Well, I’m going
to seek the kingdom of heaven first because I’m interested in all of these things
that God is going to add to me. Food, good
food. Drink, fine drink. Clothing and shelter. I’m not going to tell anybody, but my goal is
to get all these good things. And God says
that the way to get these good things is to seek first the kingdom of heaven.” You say, that’s backwards. Of course it is backwards. That is the by-product. That is the reward.
Usually our goal is to seek first the kingdom.
And now in marriage, too. Seek first
the glory of God in our marriages, and the God-given reward and by-product will be,
usually (maybe we can talk later about what that usually means) will be, that we will be
happy in our marriages.
Is that not the paradox of the
Christian life in play again? You have to
lose your life to gain it. And only those who
lose their lives will, in the end, gain. But
what a gain to have that joy in marriage. What
a joy to live that way in marriage. You know
what kind of joy it is to be with Christ, do you not?
To have Him speak to you and say to you so that you know without a doubt, “I
love you.” To know without a doubt the
testimony of Jesus Christ, “I’m always going to love you. I’m never going to let you go”? To live with Him in such a way that you feel His
strong embrace. To live with Him intimately. To hear Him tell you all the secrets of His
counsel. To hear Him say, “I want to be
with you all of the time. I never want to
leave you. I never want you to leave me. We’re going to be like this for ever and ever
and ever.” Is there any greater delight
for the child of God than that, to have Jesus Christ say that? That is the kind of joy that you will experience
in your marriage when you live your lives in marriage to His honor and His glory. There is very little better than that in marriage.
Delight in your spouse. Be ravished with her love and his love. But the main thing:
our marriage to Christ.
Married or unmarried, we have
that. And that will never end. Priority. One
of them.