The Cares of Marriage (1)

In I Corinthians 7:32-35, the apostle Paul develops an argument in favor of singleness from the cares of marriage.

Regarding the single man, we read, "He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord" (32). By definition, an unmarried man does not have the responsibility of caring for a wife (and children). His position, therefore, is one of relative freedom: freedom from marital cares and freedom to focus on serving the Lord with single-hearted devotion. Thus single men, ordinarily, have greater liberty for private prayer, fasting (5) and personal Bible study. With fewer restraints, they can more easily make time to read good Reformed literature, listen to biblical materials on CD or tape, attend church activities, do good to others, etc.

Unmarried men, is this what you are doing? As those who are single, you have greater leisure for such activities than you would have if you were married. Are you using the advantages peculiar to your state? Are you conscious of these advantages? Your calling before God is to be thankful for the greater opportunities you have and use them wisely. This includes preparing yourself for married life, if this is your desire. Use your freedom to grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ, so as to be able to lead your wife in the Reformed faith and in all godliness.

I Corinthians 7:32-35 brings us back to the Christian’s principle calling: pleasing the Lord. Glorifying God is man’s chief end, as the first question and answer of the Westminster Shorter Catechism reminds us. We are commanded to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matt. 6:33). This is the purpose and meaning of the believer’s life.

We all know that there are drawbacks with being single. Many unmarried men earnestly want to be married and are seeking a godly wife. But do not let any of this blind you to the unique advantages you have while you are single to give yourself wholeheartedly to the things of the Lord.

This shows us that the single life is not to be about selfishness. You are not to reason, "I have greater freedom, so I’ll do what I want!" Instead, think, "I have greater freedom, so I’ll use it to seek the good of Christ’s church and kingdom in order to please Him."

The same principles apply to the single woman: "The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit" (I Cor. 7:34). Give yourself to the Word and prayer, to good works and to the service of your congregation with the goal of pleasing the Lord.

The slight difference in wording between the calling of single men (32) and that of single women ("that she may be holy both in body and in spirit;" 34) underscores the fact that it is holiness that pleases God. The greater freedom of single persons is to be used (consciously) to increase in sanctification—to consecrate themselves, body and soul, to Him who bought them, body and soul, and to lay aside sins and worldliness, and to perfect holiness in the fear of the Lord. This is precisely what all single men and women should be doing now, whether they believe that God calls them to lifelong singleness or whether they hope to be married one day.

This means that the goal of single Christians is not marriage. The goal of single believers (and married ones) must be to please the Lord. Single Christian, please the Lord in using your greater freedom in divine things. And if you want to be married, please the Lord in this too by seeking a godly spouse and being chaste in your courtship.

The apostle goes on to contrast the greater freedom of a single man with that of a married man: "But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife" (33). A Christian husband must provide for his wife (and children)—a home, food, clothes, etc. He must nourish, protect and look out for her. He must commune with his wife and listen to her. If they have children, he must spend time with them. Perhaps he must work long hours to support his family.

In everything he does, he must think of his wife, taking her into account—her concerns, her preferences. Now he has two people to think of and not just himself. This means, of course, that he must get to know his wife (I Peter 3:7). As her head, he must lead her—not as a tyrant or as a bully or as an unfeeling brute. He must lead her in the right path, for her good, and out of love for her.

Paul’s point here is not that this is a chore or a drag but that being married divides a man’s attention. A single man’s calling is to care for the things of the Lord. A married man must care for the things of the Lordand "for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife" (I Cor. 7:33).

Thus it is harder for married men to remain focused on what must be the one great thing in the Christian’s life: serving and pleasing the Lord. Think of even some of the basic things. It is harder to make time for private prayer when you no longer have your bedroom solely to yourself. Fasting is more awkward when you live with a wife and children. Opportunities to read God’s Word or a good Reformed book are fewer with the demands upon your time made by wife and children.